Modern Art (read at your own risk)

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m not a fan of modern art. I like it sometimes (well… okay, rarely) because I think a great majority of it is complete BS. But, a day at Tate Modern finally showed me the light. Modern art is just so profound, how could I expect to understand it without the helpful descriptions next to the pieces explaining why I should feel awe at this means of expression? Just looking at art doesn't cut it anymore, I have to be told why I should appreciate what I'm looking at. And my usual reaction—any combination of eye-rolls, deep sighs, shaking heads, and traces of rising vomit in my throat—is as outdated as the styles of art I enjoy.

No. No, this was too deep for a mere plebeian like me to understand. Take this, for example:

It's a ripped, plain, framed canvas. Upon reading the description (I'm not making this up) I was informed that "the tear took so long to plan, but only a moment to execute", which "speaks to the enthralling feeling of rebellion"

Oh, or how about this?

This is a white piece of paper, cut into an uneven hexagonal shape, and taped to the wall. Brilliant.

And of course, the one which really speaks to the viewer was this:

A mirror. The ever changing picture.

Pieces by Constable, Waterhouse, they can't even compare to the brilliance I saw at Tate Modern. 

I can't even type this with a straight face.

I think I need to visit the National Gallery again and cleanse myself. Here's some at-home ointment for you, dear readers:

Haywain, by John Constable

Bacchus and Ariadne, by Titian

I hope that helped. I had entire day of modert art "experiences", and would appreciate a consolatory hug once I return.